On Being Alone
April 5, 2023
Written by Emma Delarosa
I have become a large proponent of spending time alone. I have discovered its comfort. The company of my own heart and my own brain. The beauty of solitude.
Whenever I used to feel the need to escape, I would turn to things that would make me forget, rather than things that would let me heal. We all search for escapism, whether it’s indulging in vices, tickets to faraway places, or falling victim to any temporary satisfaction.
What we should aim to do rather than escape is to embrace vulnerability, with both yourself and others. It is about letting your guard down and being a champion of humility. We all know that in order to be closer with your loved ones, you have to be vulnerable with them. The same goes for getting closer to yourself. You may think that since you are you, there is no relationship to maintain, but this is a great misconception. It has taken me a long time to learn to be vulnerable with others. It seemed like a skill everyone had mastered but me. They were able to be openly honest and bear their souls to their loved ones. To feel things unapologetically and untethered was the boulder to my Sisyphus.
If you are anything like me and also have trouble with being vulnerable with yourself, I would be so inclined to share with you the steps I’ve taken to get better at this. To become more than just acquainted with my desires, dislikes, and the inner workings of my soul.
To strengthen a relationship with yourself, it is first most important to give proper attention to those things that interest you most. For me, it was music and writing (such as things like this article). It was picking up instruments both old and new, learning songs even if they sounded bad, and writing until I could articulate the deepest thoughts my psyche could produce. This kind of expression manifests differently in everybody, for you it may be drawing, running, dancing, meditating, etc. Act of your own volition.
In just taking time to exercise what brings my heart the most joy, my relationship with myself has improved exponentially. I’ve gotten to know my behaviors, subtle mannerisms, and changes in mood as well as I know those of my closest companions.
Next, what has helped me most has been indulging in moments alone. Treating the time I have by myself as something valuable, instead of just empty space between distractions. Moments of solitude aren’t just fluff or filler, they are necessary to learn how to embrace vulnerability. Running from yourself is an easy task, but it has come time to challenge yourself.
Vulnerability with myself has taught me how to be vulnerable with others. With this newfound wisdom, the roots of all my relationships have been nourished to incredible degrees. Roots that have now grown into mature, tender, elastic, and withstanding pills of my life. Even just a quick phone call to my mom, buying a small gift for my best friend just because, or an extra long hug for my partner are all indications that I found the power of love within and am ready to spread that to everyone who matters to me.